#42 - MySpace Will Share Sex Offender Information

I am quite concerned after reading the latest news about MySpace complying to releasing information about known sex offenders:

Top News - MySpace to Share Sex Offender Data - AOL News

MySpace has disclosed that about 7,000 profiles had already been removed.

Here's the problem... did MySpace report these profiles to the police?

Every time we fail to stop a predator... we are leaving wide opportunity for another child to be victimized.

MySpace needs to do more.

It is just the right thing to do.

Loretta Kelly, MSW

#41 - Sexual Abuse Laws

One of the curses of surviving any form of abuse is that tickling in the back of the mind asking,

"Did this really happen?"

or

"Well, it wasn't THAT bad."

Defining abuse for ourselves, as survivors, is a process... not a one moment event.

Validation can come from many places, but seeing concrete definitions of what is considered child abuse by the law is a good place to start.

Here is an excellent resource to help you navigate through the laws regarding child sexual abuse:

Sex Abuse and Exploitation Laws

Loretta Kelly, MSW

#40 - Children's Rights

Please take a moment to visit this powerful photo essay that defines the rights of children worldwide:


UNICEF Photo essay - The rights of the child - I of II

#39 - Support Youth Suicide Prevention Funding

Support Youth Suicide Prevention Funding

April 20, 2007

Each year, over 31,000 Americans die by suicide and over 1.4 million make a suicide attempt. Suicide deaths consistently outnumber homicide deaths by a margin of three to two. You can act now to urge Congress to support funding for suicide prevention programs.

Action Required

As part of the FY 2008 budget now pending before Congress, a bipartisan coalition of senators – led by Senators Christopher Dodd (D-CT) and Gordon Smith (R-OR) – are seeking full funding for youth suicide prevention programs under the Garrett Lee Smith (GLS) Memorial Act. Advocates are strongly encouraged to contact their senators and urge them to join Senators Dodd and Smith and sign on to their letter urging $40 million for FY 2008 for programs under the Garrett Lee Smith Act. The deadline for signing on to the Dodd-Smith letter is April 25.

Contact your senator today through
NAMI's Legislative Action Center.

NAMI E-News Alerts are electronic newsletters provided free of charge as a public service. With more than 1,100 state and local affiliates, NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of people with severe mental illnesses. Contributions to support our work can be made online.

#38 - Silent All These Years - Tori Amos

Here's the music that inspired Finding a Voice:

#37 - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Childhood

This month (MARCH, 2007) in Pediatrics - Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, new research is reporting that childhood stress related to traumatic experiences may cause changes in the brain.



This early study suggests that stress from trauma may cause a smaller hippocamus.

The hippocampus is part of your brain. It is buried deep in the forebrain (front). The hippocampus regulates emotion and memory.

Researchers are hypothesizing (educated guessing) that these brain changes may cause a childhood trauma survivor to have less physical resources to respond to stress.

If you are under stress...

you need your hippocampus to help you control the overwhelming feelings of anxiety.

If your hippocampus has been damaged by earlier trauma experiences...

you have less to work with and ,therefore...

the stress is more anxiety provoking.

So the theory would be that if you have survived a childhood trauma and suffer with post-traumatic stress disorder, your brain has undergone changes. These brain changes make you have a much more difficult time controlling anxiety than someone who has not experienced trauma.

Lest we forget, the brain is a body organ.

My opinion is that people are often shamed when they are having a powerful wave of uncomfortable emotions... and this makes facing the challenges of anxiety even more difficult.

Be gentle with yourself.

If you have had a traumatic experience, science needs time to catch up with what you probably already know.

Your ability to handle stress has probably been compromised by physical changes in your body.

There are medications that can help with this, counseling to help you cope and gain control...

and also lifestyle changes that must be made for the quality of your life to be the best it can be.

The new research did discover that cortisol levels are effected in children who have PTSD.

Cortisol is commonly called a "stress hormone".

Corisol effects blood pressure, insulin, blood sugar, and how our body metabolizes fat and carbohydrates.



If your body can not use cortisol (the "stress hormone") properly...

you may encounter high blood pressure, challenges with blood sugar and weight gain.

Some resources also suggest that cortisol problems may lead immunity diseases.

Regarding this study and this blog summary...

readers need to understand that this is a VERY SMALL research study. Only 15 children were test subjects.

That is called a small sampling. For more thorough research... you really need a much larger group of people to participate in the study.

Researching children for any scientific endeavor is EXTREMELY challenging.

Scientists must be careful to do no harm to their test subjects.

So researching trauma in childhood is complicated.

Scientists can only research children who are in saferty, and who will not experience any harm from being researched.

This is one of the many reasons why medical research appears to be so slow for childhood physical and emotional challenges.

That being said...

I think this early result is promising for many trauma survivors.

First of all, just knowing that your body has been physically altered by experiencing an emotional event can be VERY validating.

You are not crazy. You are not over reacting. Yes... life is more challenging for you because something in you has been altered that should not have happened.

And in regards to child abuse prevention and intervention...

with scientific data to back up what frontline child abuse workers and advocates already know...

the way is being paved to increase funding towards protecting children and offering compassionate support to helping communities raise their children.

Loretta Kelly, MSW




RESOURCES:

Here is a summary of the original research:

Stress Predicts Brain Changes in Children: A Pilot Longitudinal Study on Youth Stress, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and the...

You can read news coverage of this research here:

BBC NEWS Health Stress may 'damage child brains'

HIPPOCAMPUS:

Hippocampus definition - Medical Dictionary definitions of popular medical terms

CORTISOL ("stress hormone"):

cortisol: Definition and Much More from Answers.com

Stress and Weight Gain Information by MedicineNet.com

#36 - March 12th CNN - Sins of the Father

Tonight, Monday, March 12th at 10:00 pm ET, Cnn will be broadcasting an hourlong program to the story of Thomas Roberts, news anchor. Mr. Roberts will share his story of surviving abuse at the hands of Calvert Hall chaplain, "Father Jeff" Toohey.

Read more here:

CNN.com - Anderson Cooper 360

and here:

CNN to air sex-abuse documentary - Examiner.com

Please make sure to check your local television listings for the proper time.

Would you like to join Catholic grassroots advocacy?

Voice of the Faithful was formed in response to the clergy sex abuse scandal in Boston Massachusetts.

You can learn more here:

Voice Of the Faithful

#35 - Anna Nicole Smith: How Do Parents Grieve?

The media frenzy has been fast and furious over the death of Anna Nicole Smith .

Lest we all forget...

one of the most unimaginable tragedies for a parent is the death of a child.

I can not locate the source today, but while counseling grieving parents, I learned that the untimely death of the mother is extremely high for the first five years or so after the death of her child.

Public tragedies such as Anna Nicole's resound in our hearts.

People are already judging her harshly, but the day her son died...

her life was flipped upside down and inside out.

May she now rest in peace.

Loretta Kelly, MSW

Here are some resources about parental grief:

The Child Death Helpline (for UK)

The Sudden Death of a Child

The Grief of the Parents: A Lifetime Journey

Here is an important link for those of us who have grieved miscarriage:

Child Miscarriage and Child Death Support Website

Tragedies covered on the media may cause those who have been traumatized to re-experience the emotional pain from a personal trauma.

Crisis phone counseling is available here:

USA National Crisis Hotlines

#34 - Childhood is Sacred

Childhood is Sacred.

I just needed to say that.

#33 - MySpace and Sex Predators

Congress is pushing for social network sites, such as MySpace, to have access to the database of registered sex offenders.

Here's the news article:

Money News:- Congress Targeting Online Sex Offenders - AOL Money & Finance

#32 - Just Tell.org & MySpace Support

I received the message below from a MySpace friend.
Please take a moment to visit:

*****************************************


Sexual abuse is way too common.

Did you know that about one out of three girls gets molested, and about one of six boys gets molested??

Its scary.

Only half of them will ever tell anybody until its too late and they are grown up.

Do you want to help?

Me and my friends are trying to tell children everywhere to JUST TELL...

Visit my friend Vivian at http://myspace.com/vmusic333.

You can click on her Banner below to go her page and then SEND HER A FRIEND REQUEST. IF YOU WANT HER TO LET YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP US START JUST TELL, SEND HER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TOO!

Shes starting an organization to encourage kids to JUST TELL some one if they are being touched in "private places" or anyplace they arent supposed to be touched.

You can visit her site,

http://justtell.org/

and see some facts and our mission.

Please help us spread the word!

Sincerly ~Stephanie ....

#31 - Remarks About Foley & Pedophilia (Originally posted in MySpace 10/08/06)

My journey in life has taken me through personal contact with pedophiles.

I used to say, "You will never recognize the face of a monster in a crowd."

Because I used to feel that way about pedophiles.

Monsters.

This is what the child in me labelled them as such.

But, understanding pedophilia is so much more complicated than good guys versus bad guys.

You see...

some of the people who choose to walk in the shadows...

well, they present themselves as people who live in the light.

That is what Mr. Foley has done.

My mind has been reeling with the media coverage.

I had to turn off the news...

the pain and damage that is being created for those victimized by sexual predators is just overwhelming.

Oh, he's not a pedophile...

he never had CONTACT with a child.

Someone please define contact?

When we e-mail someone back and forth...

we tap into one's innermost thoughts.

There is an intimacy there.

What he did crossed a boundary that is never to be crossed.

His behavior was invasive.

He violated a child's trust.

He violated a child's innocence.

He violated a child's definition of what a man with power should be.

Is anyone ever going to say that this kid (and other victims... because, trust me... there will be more) will remain unchanged by this experience?

Utter nonsense.

Oh, he's an alcoholic.

Yes, and he still must remain accountable for his behavior.

And...

here's the real idiot excuse...

He's a victim of a sexual predator too.

Oh, that is so wrong...

someone in his position of power taking that excuse and maligning the majority of sexual abuse survivors who ARE NOT PEDOPHILES!

So I felt enraged.

And helpless.

And hopeless.

Shut the t.v. off...

and turned to books of wisdom.

I found these words today:

"The faults of others are easier to see than one's own; the faults of others are easily seen, for they are sifted like chaff, but one's own faults are hard to see. This is like the cheat who hides his dice and shows the dice of his opponent, calling attention to the other's shortcomings, continually thinking of accusing him."
- Buddha (UDANAVARGA 27.1)

Hey!

Buddha had a handle on Mr. Foley, long before Mr. Foley came to exist.

Many people of shadow try to hide in the light. They put themselves in positions of power chasing after a demon that really has been eating them up inside.
Here are some more words of wisdom:

"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Friend, let me take the speck out of your eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

- JESUS (LUKE 6:41-42)

And after reading this, I thought to myself...

How have I been a hypocrite today?

What lies have I created for myself in order to hide my flaws...

to hide the sins I fail to notice?

And the sense of powerlessness stopped dead in its tracks.

I am not saying that Mr. Foley should be excused for his behavior...

or liberated from the justice system and appropriate consequences.

But, any time one of our brothers or sisters (and we are all children of the Divine)...

anytime one of us fails...

we fail too.

We triumph together and we fall down together.

We are all connected.

And to serve the body, the whole, all humanity, all of life...

we need to tend to the temple inside of us.

We need to tend to our souls, our lives.

You can not change the whole world.

But, you can change the world one tiny step at a time.

Today I start with being accountable for my behavior.

Today I take account of the wrongs that need to be made right.

That's plenty of work right there.

.. Loretta

#30 - Sexual Abuse Myths

Here is an excellent resource that addresses many misinformed, but commonly held beliefs about child sexual abuse:

Genesis Consultants: Sexual Abuse Recovery

The Catholic heirarchy would have done better to read this short list prior to ostracizing all homosexuals from the clergy.

#29 - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

S.N.A.P. is an organization established to meet the needs of survivors of those abused by clergy.

Here is their introductory statement:

"Welcome

If you've been victimized by clergy, please know that you are not alone.
You can get better.
You can reach out to others who've been hurt just like you have.
Together, we can heal one another.
We are SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.
We are the nation's largest, oldest and most active support group for women and men wounded by religious authority figures (priests, ministers, bishops, deacons, nuns and others).
We are an independent and confidential organization, with no connections with the church or church officials. We are also a non-profit, certified 501 (c) (3) organization.
And we are here to help.

Full Welcome Statement "

VISIT S.N.A.P. 's WEBSITE HERE:

SNAP - The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

#28 - URGENT: Suicide Hotline Number Update

1-800-SUICIDE Hotline Set to Shut Down on Saturday August 12

The nation's largest suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, is scheduled to go out of service this Saturday, August 12, 2006. There are currently negotiations in progress that may prevent this. However, in the event that these negotiations are not successful, NAMI is issuing this alert to raise public awareness of the alternative for those in need of help.

The alternative number for those in crisis is 1-800-273-TALK. This number will put callers in touch with the federally-funded National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a service that has been in operation since January, 2005. It functions as a central switchboard to immediately connect callers to virtually the same network of certified, local crisis centers accessed by 1-800-SUICIDE. So callers can receive counseling or emergency services, if needed, close to home.
All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is working with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the entire suicide prevention community to ensure that every call for help during a suicide crisis is answered. Some of the measures being put in place include:

Ensuring that the entire suicide-prevention community is working the phones and Internet to make sure that all referring agencies know that 1-800-273-TALK is the number to call for suicide intervention.

Notifying service providers, including directory 411 and 211 operators, that 1-800-SUICIDE is scheduled to go out of service beginning August 12, 2006 and to direct callers to 1-800-273-TALK for help.

Redirecting callers who call 1-800-SUICIDE to call 1-800-273-TALK through a recording.
As a part of this effort, NAMI will participate in a meeting with SAMHSA and its other partner groups on Friday afternoon, August 11, and we will issue an update afterwards if there is additional information to share.


NAMI urges you to help distribute this alert in your community. Together, we can ensure that every call for help is answered.

Thank you,

Michael J. Fitzpatrick, MSWExecutive DirectorNAMI

NAMI E-News Alerts are electronic newsletters provided free of charge as a public service. With more than 1,100 state and local affiliates, NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of people with severe mental illnesses. Contributions to support our work can be made online.

If you do not wish to receive further E-News Alerts, please click here, sign in and uncheck the box next to Enews. Please do not reply to this email (it will go to an unattended mailbox.) If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, please send an email to mariekeb@nami.org.
NAMI ~ 2107 Wilson Blvd. ~ Suite 300 ~ Arlington, VA 22201

#28 - URGENT: Suicide Hotline Number Update

1-800-SUICIDE Hotline Set to Shut Down on Saturday August 12

The nation's largest suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, is scheduled to go out of service this Saturday, August 12, 2006. There are currently negotiations in progress that may prevent this. However, in the event that these negotiations are not successful, NAMI is issuing this alert to raise public awareness of the alternative for those in need of help.

The alternative number for those in crisis is 1-800-273-TALK. This number will put callers in touch with the federally-funded National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a service that has been in operation since January, 2005. It functions as a central switchboard to immediately connect callers to virtually the same network of certified, local crisis centers accessed by 1-800-SUICIDE. So callers can receive counseling or emergency services, if needed, close to home.
All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is working with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the entire suicide prevention community to ensure that every call for help during a suicide crisis is answered. Some of the measures being put in place include:

Ensuring that the entire suicide-prevention community is working the phones and Internet to make sure that all referring agencies know that 1-800-273-TALK is the number to call for suicide intervention.

Notifying service providers, including directory 411 and 211 operators, that 1-800-SUICIDE is scheduled to go out of service beginning August 12, 2006 and to direct callers to 1-800-273-TALK for help.

Redirecting callers who call 1-800-SUICIDE to call 1-800-273-TALK through a recording.
As a part of this effort, NAMI will participate in a meeting with SAMHSA and its other partner groups on Friday afternoon, August 11, and we will issue an update afterwards if there is additional information to share.


NAMI urges you to help distribute this alert in your community. Together, we can ensure that every call for help is answered.

Thank you,

Michael J. Fitzpatrick, MSWExecutive DirectorNAMI

NAMI E-News Alerts are electronic newsletters provided free of charge as a public service. With more than 1,100 state and local affiliates, NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of people with severe mental illnesses. Contributions to support our work can be made online.

If you do not wish to receive further E-News Alerts, please click here, sign in and uncheck the box next to Enews. Please do not reply to this email (it will go to an unattended mailbox.) If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, please send an email to mariekeb@nami.org.
NAMI ~ 2107 Wilson Blvd. ~ Suite 300 ~ Arlington, VA 22201

#27 - Abuse Survivor: Dave Pelzer (A Child Called It)

If you are struggling with how to make sense of your personal suffering due to abuse, I seriously recommend you read Dave Pelzer's books:

A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness

The Lost Boy: A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family

A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive

powered by frazy.com


Dave survived a horrific childhood comparable to the cruelty exhibitted to prisoners of war.

He has taken his experiences that could have turned any heart into stone, and molded a heart of flesh.

Direct, honest, and sincere... Dave shares his story in a series of memoirs that inspire.
Visit his website here:

Dave Pelzer's Official Website


my frazy music, movies and books!

#26 - Missing Woman - Legitimate Source, Not a Hoax

I received this bulletin from an online friend who is a journalist. This is not a hoax.
-Loretta


This is legit. Here's a link to a recent news story. The girl's name is Lori Slesinski.

-------------

This girl has been missing from Auburn for a about two weeks now and if you would help us keep reposting it so that people could see her face, maybe someone will recognize her.. Her car was found and it was burned up... but no signs of her.



This is her myspace profile

http://www.myspace.com/52273957

Please repost this message. It's amazing how we all have time to repost all these messages about ourselves...I think we can all take a minute to copy and paste this message.

(To copy this bulletin with the picture, hit the reply button, copy all of the info (BUT DON'T ACTUALLY REPLY)...then go to post bulletin and paste it all there....)

#25 - Celebrity Sexual Abuse Survivors

Sometimes it helps to read other survivors' stories.

The following list is compiled of famous people who have publicly disclosed a history of sexual abuse.

4 Anne Heche (actress)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Call Me Crazy: A Memoir: Books: Anne Heche

4Antwone Fisher (2002) (author)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Finding Fish: Books: Antwone Q. Fisher,Mim E. Rivas
FILM: Antwone Fisher (2002)




4Eve Ensler (playwright, advocate)
BIO: http://www.discoverthenetwork.org/individualProfile.asp?indid=1991
DISCLOSURE OF ABUSE: Welcome to Adobe GoLive 4 (The New York Times, September 26, 1999 Eve Ensler: Today the Anatomy, Tomorrow the World By DINITIA SMITH)

4 Janice Dickenson (Model, Photographer)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Everything About Me Is Fake . . . And I'm Perfect: Books: Janice Dickinson

#24 - The Tree is Tall, But the Roots Are Damaged

He lived in the back bedroom. Yellowed window shades, crumbling with age, never opened.

The room was always dark, dusty, filthy. There was a diamond shaped collapsable child gate. I think it was there to keep us out, although, Lord knows I would never enter his room while he was still alive.

His doorway was directly next to the bathroom. That whole small hallway held dark secret ghosts that caused me to avoid staying there for more than a few passing seconds at a time.

I am having trouble even writing about this, thinking of him is a heavy burden. A headache is knife stabbing me in the forehead as my ears ring ... my back and wrists protest in pain...

rebelling in touching these memories.

I lived with a crazy uncle.

Is it fair for someone like me... a social worker... to call anyone crazy?

I would never do that in extending my heart to others, but when it comes to that man, the man whose name must not touch my mouth...

crazy is the kindest word I can dredge up.

And feeling like that makes me feel bad... soiled...

a dark corner in my soul that refuses to heal.

He left his mark on me. I feel like a tree marked by a territorial dog. I'm always going to stink of urine at my roots no matter how tall and strong I grow.

To be violated is to feel a separateness... a disconnect... from people around you. The ones who know you and recognize you as a survivor are those who have also been abused.

It's a special club with profound emotional injury as the prerequisite to membership.

The problem with being a lifetime member in this "club" is that you are connecting with people who have developed the fine art of disconnect in order to survive.

I would describe my disconnect triggers almost like a form of autism.

When I feel that emotional bond with a person, when I can look deeply in the eyes without avoiding that direct eye contact...

BAM!

The pain and fear flow in and a switch turns off in my nerve synapses.

Sort of like the pain people with autism feel from too much emotion.

I have to wonder if that switch is part of the neurological damage that occurs with trauma?

This "unplug" is not intentional. It is as automatic as a heart beat, as smooth as breathing.

The only reason I am aware of the disassociative shuffle in my mind is because I am working so hard to remain connected...

for the sake of my husband and son.

When I could still work, counsleing survivors was the healing journey for my soul. I could connect, I could feel and look deeply into the eyes of suffering.

The relationship is different.

When you counsel someone, there is a finite amount of time that you will spend together. The relationship is highly structured and defined by a code of ethics to protect the person seeking help.

At the end of my work day, I could "shut down" and recharge emotionally.

That doesn't mean I would forget about those who chose me to help them.

On the contrary, to this day... those I counseled remain in my mind and heart.

If I had not been the counselor, there are many people whom I happily would have entered into friendship with. But, that can not be.

Now, with my career erased away by systemic lupus... all I have is my family.

And that is not a bad thing, of course!

I think in the unfolding of this life... maybe my final task is to simply learn to love unconditionally as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.

I have to learn to connect and other's convenience... not just my own.

It is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

When I try to feel completely in the moment with my husband or son... I feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted.

My brain wants to launch off to be quiet and alone. Too much input. No rules of the road for communicating.

Very frustrating.

I try to make eye contact with my lovely little guy and he gets ticked off... "STOP STARING AT ME!"

"Sorry, I just need to SEE you."

And I think, "You are so beautiful... you make my heart ache."

Is that what intimacy is?

To connect and immediately feel your heart will break?

Too much damage, I think to myself.

Too much damage to do this right.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I am a sex abuse survivor.

I am a strong tree, branching, growing taller everyday, but my roots will always stink of urine.