#22 - Domestic Violence - Power and Control

To this day I can recall the stern warning given by my first professor of psychology (one of many, many courses):

"We marry what we know."

He meant to explain that we tend to repeat patterns in relationships.

This can happen to survivors of childhood abuse. We don't go out there looking for an abusive partner, but if we lack insight and healing from past trauma... we may not know what to avoid.

Domestic violence does not occur in isolation between the couple. There is a 50% to 70% chance of the children in the relationship being abused also. (Finding Safety and Support: Some facts about domestic violence)

Children who witness domestic violence are at increased risk for :

"... health problems, sleeping difficulties, anxiety, acting out behavior, and feelings of guilt, fear and powerlessness. They are at high risk for alcohol and drug use, teen pregnancy, homelessness, and suicide. Research suggests that there is an increased risk for boys who grow up in homes in which there is domestic violence to perpetrate domestic violence in their adult intimate relationships"
( Finding Safety and Support: Some facts about domestic violence)

Many people conclude that if they are not being hit, there is no sign of domestic violence in the relationship.

This is a misconception.

The reality is that domestic violence occurs when there is an imbalance of power in the relationship. The primary form of abuse in a domestic violent relationship is emotional.

Here is an excellent explanation of the interpersonal dynamics that occur in an abusive relationship:

EDVP About Domestic Violence: Power and Control

What should you do if you are in an abusive relationship?

Break the silence. Talk to someone safe. Below are some online resources to assist you:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.