#32 - Just Tell.org & MySpace Support

I received the message below from a MySpace friend.
Please take a moment to visit:

*****************************************


Sexual abuse is way too common.

Did you know that about one out of three girls gets molested, and about one of six boys gets molested??

Its scary.

Only half of them will ever tell anybody until its too late and they are grown up.

Do you want to help?

Me and my friends are trying to tell children everywhere to JUST TELL...

Visit my friend Vivian at http://myspace.com/vmusic333.

You can click on her Banner below to go her page and then SEND HER A FRIEND REQUEST. IF YOU WANT HER TO LET YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP US START JUST TELL, SEND HER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TOO!

Shes starting an organization to encourage kids to JUST TELL some one if they are being touched in "private places" or anyplace they arent supposed to be touched.

You can visit her site,

http://justtell.org/

and see some facts and our mission.

Please help us spread the word!

Sincerly ~Stephanie ....

#31 - Remarks About Foley & Pedophilia (Originally posted in MySpace 10/08/06)

My journey in life has taken me through personal contact with pedophiles.

I used to say, "You will never recognize the face of a monster in a crowd."

Because I used to feel that way about pedophiles.

Monsters.

This is what the child in me labelled them as such.

But, understanding pedophilia is so much more complicated than good guys versus bad guys.

You see...

some of the people who choose to walk in the shadows...

well, they present themselves as people who live in the light.

That is what Mr. Foley has done.

My mind has been reeling with the media coverage.

I had to turn off the news...

the pain and damage that is being created for those victimized by sexual predators is just overwhelming.

Oh, he's not a pedophile...

he never had CONTACT with a child.

Someone please define contact?

When we e-mail someone back and forth...

we tap into one's innermost thoughts.

There is an intimacy there.

What he did crossed a boundary that is never to be crossed.

His behavior was invasive.

He violated a child's trust.

He violated a child's innocence.

He violated a child's definition of what a man with power should be.

Is anyone ever going to say that this kid (and other victims... because, trust me... there will be more) will remain unchanged by this experience?

Utter nonsense.

Oh, he's an alcoholic.

Yes, and he still must remain accountable for his behavior.

And...

here's the real idiot excuse...

He's a victim of a sexual predator too.

Oh, that is so wrong...

someone in his position of power taking that excuse and maligning the majority of sexual abuse survivors who ARE NOT PEDOPHILES!

So I felt enraged.

And helpless.

And hopeless.

Shut the t.v. off...

and turned to books of wisdom.

I found these words today:

"The faults of others are easier to see than one's own; the faults of others are easily seen, for they are sifted like chaff, but one's own faults are hard to see. This is like the cheat who hides his dice and shows the dice of his opponent, calling attention to the other's shortcomings, continually thinking of accusing him."
- Buddha (UDANAVARGA 27.1)

Hey!

Buddha had a handle on Mr. Foley, long before Mr. Foley came to exist.

Many people of shadow try to hide in the light. They put themselves in positions of power chasing after a demon that really has been eating them up inside.
Here are some more words of wisdom:

"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Friend, let me take the speck out of your eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

- JESUS (LUKE 6:41-42)

And after reading this, I thought to myself...

How have I been a hypocrite today?

What lies have I created for myself in order to hide my flaws...

to hide the sins I fail to notice?

And the sense of powerlessness stopped dead in its tracks.

I am not saying that Mr. Foley should be excused for his behavior...

or liberated from the justice system and appropriate consequences.

But, any time one of our brothers or sisters (and we are all children of the Divine)...

anytime one of us fails...

we fail too.

We triumph together and we fall down together.

We are all connected.

And to serve the body, the whole, all humanity, all of life...

we need to tend to the temple inside of us.

We need to tend to our souls, our lives.

You can not change the whole world.

But, you can change the world one tiny step at a time.

Today I start with being accountable for my behavior.

Today I take account of the wrongs that need to be made right.

That's plenty of work right there.

.. Loretta

#30 - Sexual Abuse Myths

Here is an excellent resource that addresses many misinformed, but commonly held beliefs about child sexual abuse:

Genesis Consultants: Sexual Abuse Recovery

The Catholic heirarchy would have done better to read this short list prior to ostracizing all homosexuals from the clergy.

#29 - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

S.N.A.P. is an organization established to meet the needs of survivors of those abused by clergy.

Here is their introductory statement:

"Welcome

If you've been victimized by clergy, please know that you are not alone.
You can get better.
You can reach out to others who've been hurt just like you have.
Together, we can heal one another.
We are SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.
We are the nation's largest, oldest and most active support group for women and men wounded by religious authority figures (priests, ministers, bishops, deacons, nuns and others).
We are an independent and confidential organization, with no connections with the church or church officials. We are also a non-profit, certified 501 (c) (3) organization.
And we are here to help.

Full Welcome Statement "

VISIT S.N.A.P. 's WEBSITE HERE:

SNAP - The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

#28 - URGENT: Suicide Hotline Number Update

1-800-SUICIDE Hotline Set to Shut Down on Saturday August 12

The nation's largest suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, is scheduled to go out of service this Saturday, August 12, 2006. There are currently negotiations in progress that may prevent this. However, in the event that these negotiations are not successful, NAMI is issuing this alert to raise public awareness of the alternative for those in need of help.

The alternative number for those in crisis is 1-800-273-TALK. This number will put callers in touch with the federally-funded National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a service that has been in operation since January, 2005. It functions as a central switchboard to immediately connect callers to virtually the same network of certified, local crisis centers accessed by 1-800-SUICIDE. So callers can receive counseling or emergency services, if needed, close to home.
All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is working with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the entire suicide prevention community to ensure that every call for help during a suicide crisis is answered. Some of the measures being put in place include:

Ensuring that the entire suicide-prevention community is working the phones and Internet to make sure that all referring agencies know that 1-800-273-TALK is the number to call for suicide intervention.

Notifying service providers, including directory 411 and 211 operators, that 1-800-SUICIDE is scheduled to go out of service beginning August 12, 2006 and to direct callers to 1-800-273-TALK for help.

Redirecting callers who call 1-800-SUICIDE to call 1-800-273-TALK through a recording.
As a part of this effort, NAMI will participate in a meeting with SAMHSA and its other partner groups on Friday afternoon, August 11, and we will issue an update afterwards if there is additional information to share.


NAMI urges you to help distribute this alert in your community. Together, we can ensure that every call for help is answered.

Thank you,

Michael J. Fitzpatrick, MSWExecutive DirectorNAMI

NAMI E-News Alerts are electronic newsletters provided free of charge as a public service. With more than 1,100 state and local affiliates, NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of people with severe mental illnesses. Contributions to support our work can be made online.

If you do not wish to receive further E-News Alerts, please click here, sign in and uncheck the box next to Enews. Please do not reply to this email (it will go to an unattended mailbox.) If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, please send an email to mariekeb@nami.org.
NAMI ~ 2107 Wilson Blvd. ~ Suite 300 ~ Arlington, VA 22201

#28 - URGENT: Suicide Hotline Number Update

1-800-SUICIDE Hotline Set to Shut Down on Saturday August 12

The nation's largest suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, is scheduled to go out of service this Saturday, August 12, 2006. There are currently negotiations in progress that may prevent this. However, in the event that these negotiations are not successful, NAMI is issuing this alert to raise public awareness of the alternative for those in need of help.

The alternative number for those in crisis is 1-800-273-TALK. This number will put callers in touch with the federally-funded National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a service that has been in operation since January, 2005. It functions as a central switchboard to immediately connect callers to virtually the same network of certified, local crisis centers accessed by 1-800-SUICIDE. So callers can receive counseling or emergency services, if needed, close to home.
All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is working with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the entire suicide prevention community to ensure that every call for help during a suicide crisis is answered. Some of the measures being put in place include:

Ensuring that the entire suicide-prevention community is working the phones and Internet to make sure that all referring agencies know that 1-800-273-TALK is the number to call for suicide intervention.

Notifying service providers, including directory 411 and 211 operators, that 1-800-SUICIDE is scheduled to go out of service beginning August 12, 2006 and to direct callers to 1-800-273-TALK for help.

Redirecting callers who call 1-800-SUICIDE to call 1-800-273-TALK through a recording.
As a part of this effort, NAMI will participate in a meeting with SAMHSA and its other partner groups on Friday afternoon, August 11, and we will issue an update afterwards if there is additional information to share.


NAMI urges you to help distribute this alert in your community. Together, we can ensure that every call for help is answered.

Thank you,

Michael J. Fitzpatrick, MSWExecutive DirectorNAMI

NAMI E-News Alerts are electronic newsletters provided free of charge as a public service. With more than 1,100 state and local affiliates, NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of people with severe mental illnesses. Contributions to support our work can be made online.

If you do not wish to receive further E-News Alerts, please click here, sign in and uncheck the box next to Enews. Please do not reply to this email (it will go to an unattended mailbox.) If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, please send an email to mariekeb@nami.org.
NAMI ~ 2107 Wilson Blvd. ~ Suite 300 ~ Arlington, VA 22201

#27 - Abuse Survivor: Dave Pelzer (A Child Called It)

If you are struggling with how to make sense of your personal suffering due to abuse, I seriously recommend you read Dave Pelzer's books:

A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness

The Lost Boy: A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family

A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive

powered by frazy.com


Dave survived a horrific childhood comparable to the cruelty exhibitted to prisoners of war.

He has taken his experiences that could have turned any heart into stone, and molded a heart of flesh.

Direct, honest, and sincere... Dave shares his story in a series of memoirs that inspire.
Visit his website here:

Dave Pelzer's Official Website


my frazy music, movies and books!

#26 - Missing Woman - Legitimate Source, Not a Hoax

I received this bulletin from an online friend who is a journalist. This is not a hoax.
-Loretta


This is legit. Here's a link to a recent news story. The girl's name is Lori Slesinski.

-------------

This girl has been missing from Auburn for a about two weeks now and if you would help us keep reposting it so that people could see her face, maybe someone will recognize her.. Her car was found and it was burned up... but no signs of her.



This is her myspace profile

http://www.myspace.com/52273957

Please repost this message. It's amazing how we all have time to repost all these messages about ourselves...I think we can all take a minute to copy and paste this message.

(To copy this bulletin with the picture, hit the reply button, copy all of the info (BUT DON'T ACTUALLY REPLY)...then go to post bulletin and paste it all there....)

#25 - Celebrity Sexual Abuse Survivors

Sometimes it helps to read other survivors' stories.

The following list is compiled of famous people who have publicly disclosed a history of sexual abuse.

4 Anne Heche (actress)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Call Me Crazy: A Memoir: Books: Anne Heche

4Antwone Fisher (2002) (author)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Finding Fish: Books: Antwone Q. Fisher,Mim E. Rivas
FILM: Antwone Fisher (2002)




4Eve Ensler (playwright, advocate)
BIO: http://www.discoverthenetwork.org/individualProfile.asp?indid=1991
DISCLOSURE OF ABUSE: Welcome to Adobe GoLive 4 (The New York Times, September 26, 1999 Eve Ensler: Today the Anatomy, Tomorrow the World By DINITIA SMITH)

4 Janice Dickenson (Model, Photographer)
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Amazon.com: Everything About Me Is Fake . . . And I'm Perfect: Books: Janice Dickinson

#24 - The Tree is Tall, But the Roots Are Damaged

He lived in the back bedroom. Yellowed window shades, crumbling with age, never opened.

The room was always dark, dusty, filthy. There was a diamond shaped collapsable child gate. I think it was there to keep us out, although, Lord knows I would never enter his room while he was still alive.

His doorway was directly next to the bathroom. That whole small hallway held dark secret ghosts that caused me to avoid staying there for more than a few passing seconds at a time.

I am having trouble even writing about this, thinking of him is a heavy burden. A headache is knife stabbing me in the forehead as my ears ring ... my back and wrists protest in pain...

rebelling in touching these memories.

I lived with a crazy uncle.

Is it fair for someone like me... a social worker... to call anyone crazy?

I would never do that in extending my heart to others, but when it comes to that man, the man whose name must not touch my mouth...

crazy is the kindest word I can dredge up.

And feeling like that makes me feel bad... soiled...

a dark corner in my soul that refuses to heal.

He left his mark on me. I feel like a tree marked by a territorial dog. I'm always going to stink of urine at my roots no matter how tall and strong I grow.

To be violated is to feel a separateness... a disconnect... from people around you. The ones who know you and recognize you as a survivor are those who have also been abused.

It's a special club with profound emotional injury as the prerequisite to membership.

The problem with being a lifetime member in this "club" is that you are connecting with people who have developed the fine art of disconnect in order to survive.

I would describe my disconnect triggers almost like a form of autism.

When I feel that emotional bond with a person, when I can look deeply in the eyes without avoiding that direct eye contact...

BAM!

The pain and fear flow in and a switch turns off in my nerve synapses.

Sort of like the pain people with autism feel from too much emotion.

I have to wonder if that switch is part of the neurological damage that occurs with trauma?

This "unplug" is not intentional. It is as automatic as a heart beat, as smooth as breathing.

The only reason I am aware of the disassociative shuffle in my mind is because I am working so hard to remain connected...

for the sake of my husband and son.

When I could still work, counsleing survivors was the healing journey for my soul. I could connect, I could feel and look deeply into the eyes of suffering.

The relationship is different.

When you counsel someone, there is a finite amount of time that you will spend together. The relationship is highly structured and defined by a code of ethics to protect the person seeking help.

At the end of my work day, I could "shut down" and recharge emotionally.

That doesn't mean I would forget about those who chose me to help them.

On the contrary, to this day... those I counseled remain in my mind and heart.

If I had not been the counselor, there are many people whom I happily would have entered into friendship with. But, that can not be.

Now, with my career erased away by systemic lupus... all I have is my family.

And that is not a bad thing, of course!

I think in the unfolding of this life... maybe my final task is to simply learn to love unconditionally as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.

I have to learn to connect and other's convenience... not just my own.

It is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

When I try to feel completely in the moment with my husband or son... I feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted.

My brain wants to launch off to be quiet and alone. Too much input. No rules of the road for communicating.

Very frustrating.

I try to make eye contact with my lovely little guy and he gets ticked off... "STOP STARING AT ME!"

"Sorry, I just need to SEE you."

And I think, "You are so beautiful... you make my heart ache."

Is that what intimacy is?

To connect and immediately feel your heart will break?

Too much damage, I think to myself.

Too much damage to do this right.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I am a sex abuse survivor.

I am a strong tree, branching, growing taller everyday, but my roots will always stink of urine.

#23 - Sex Offender Database

I tried to find recent studies reporting the recidivism rate for sex offenders. Recidivism means the chance that someone will commit another sex crime.

The results vary widely.

The problem is that the term sex offender is used to describe child molesters, incest, rapists, and exhibitionists. The focus of FINDING A VOICE is to address issues related to only child molesters. The other problem with locating accurate data regarding the likelihood of an offender commiting another sex crime is that sex crimes are under reported.

The results are based on a small sampling of a select group of offenders.

Most people who commit sex crimes against children (99% of which are male offenders) are not prosecuted and, therefore, not in jail.

The best we can do for now to protect our children is to be as alert as possible and for authorities to monitor those convicted of child molestation. Because the reality is... many can and will reoffend.

Here is the United States Department of Justice database. Please note that in the majority of searches you will need to provide your identity to access the database:




National Sex Offender Public Registry

#22 - Domestic Violence - Power and Control

To this day I can recall the stern warning given by my first professor of psychology (one of many, many courses):

"We marry what we know."

He meant to explain that we tend to repeat patterns in relationships.

This can happen to survivors of childhood abuse. We don't go out there looking for an abusive partner, but if we lack insight and healing from past trauma... we may not know what to avoid.

Domestic violence does not occur in isolation between the couple. There is a 50% to 70% chance of the children in the relationship being abused also. (Finding Safety and Support: Some facts about domestic violence)

Children who witness domestic violence are at increased risk for :

"... health problems, sleeping difficulties, anxiety, acting out behavior, and feelings of guilt, fear and powerlessness. They are at high risk for alcohol and drug use, teen pregnancy, homelessness, and suicide. Research suggests that there is an increased risk for boys who grow up in homes in which there is domestic violence to perpetrate domestic violence in their adult intimate relationships"
( Finding Safety and Support: Some facts about domestic violence)

Many people conclude that if they are not being hit, there is no sign of domestic violence in the relationship.

This is a misconception.

The reality is that domestic violence occurs when there is an imbalance of power in the relationship. The primary form of abuse in a domestic violent relationship is emotional.

Here is an excellent explanation of the interpersonal dynamics that occur in an abusive relationship:

EDVP About Domestic Violence: Power and Control

What should you do if you are in an abusive relationship?

Break the silence. Talk to someone safe. Below are some online resources to assist you:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

#21 - Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Priests

S.N.A.P. is the internet home base for suvrvivors of sexual abuse perpetrated by priests.

SNAP - The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

This is an excellent resource for those of you who have suffered such abuse, but also an excellent resource for all sex abuse survivors, their loved ones and advocates.

Peace to All Who Enter Here

#20 - Breaking News from CNN from Catholic Church

-- Roman Catholic archdiocese of Dublin report says 102 priests are suspected of sexually or physically abusing at least 350 children since 1940, The Associated Press reports:

CNN.com - Priests abused hundreds of Irish kids, church says - Mar 8, 2006

#19 - Protect Child Refugees in the U.S.

I have just read and signed the petition: "Help Refugee Children Get a Fair Hearing – Pass H.R. 1172"

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/696485245

Please take a moment to review this site and add your name to the petition.

Thanks!

#18 - The Wounded Healer Journal

This website provides a healing forum for survivors of abuse.

Topics include:

* Treatment for abuse & trauma
* Psychological effects of child abuse, neglect, physical and verbal abuse
* Domestic Violence
* Dissociative Identity Disorder
* Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

and much more.

Learn more here:

http://twhj.com/

#17 - Parenting Challenges for Survivors of Abuse

When you are an adult survivor of abuse there are certain challenges in life that come from missing out on the important seeds that should have been planted in childhood.

Parenting is one particular hurdle for many survivors of abuse.

What do we use for role models?

Do we completely throw out everything we learned from an abusive adult?

Was there any value in anything learned from that abusive adult ?

Survivors may often find themselves becoming entrenched in one of two parenting traps:

1. Repeating abusive patterns learned in childhood,

-or-

2. In fear of becoming an abusive parent, some survivors become overly permissive and cater to the child's every whim.

I like to call these approaches throwing the baby out with the bath water.

In an effort to divest ourselves from our abusive history, we run the risk of forgetting healthy lessons that may have been learned in childhood.
As a therapist, I learned that people are not all one thing or another. Everyone is complex and made up of shades of grey.

Not a one of us is ever going to be the perfect parent.

That is the first thought you must give up on in order to work your way to healthy parenting.

You have to take the lessons given to you in childhood.

You probably know a lot about what NOT to do.

But, maybe there were some things that had value.

Like picking up seashells on the shoreline... take with you the few treasures your abusive parent(s) may have provided for you.

Maybe they instilled in you the love of the outdoors?

Maybe there was some creativity given to you?

Maybe there were quiet moments of peace in which there was a song or a laugh?

Hold those moments tight if you can and don't throw them out unless they are too painful for you to hold.

Many victims of abuse deal with the gathering of painful memories. For some it is too overwhelming and painful. For others... they just need to know and make sense out of the suffering.

For some survivors...

there comes a time in the healing when the pain has been divested of its powerful hold...

when the memories stop being reality...

and melt into nothing more than memories.

When you get that far along in the healing journey...

you may find the ability to recall happier moments in your childhood.

Harvest those moments to help you be the best parent you can be for your children's sake.

Unfortunately, raising children and healing from childhood abuse is complicated. Many abuse survivors do not even begin to deal with their painful histories until they become a parent.

Watching your child grow can throw you unwillingly back into memories of your own abuse as your child reaches the age(s) when you were harmed.

You are going to need help to stay the course and be the good parent you long to be.

Grab control by educating yourself.

Your child wasn't born with an owner's manual, and your parents probably didn't give you a lot to work with.

Here is an exceptional resource to help you get started:

NMHA MHIC Factsheet: Children's Mental Health-What Every Child Needs for GoodMental Health